Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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