Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
