@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
