I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
