I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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