I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
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I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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