cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
