Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
