you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
