she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize