if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
