Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
