i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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