I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake