i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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