nutella sex= disaster
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
