I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
