Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
