if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
