cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want her autograph on my taint
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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