Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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