you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
