I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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