his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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