i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
