I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
