This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
