Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
