I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
