Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
