I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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