she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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