apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
