We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
