we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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