I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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