Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet