can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.