life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.