Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down