It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
