my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
