Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
