reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
