We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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