ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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