I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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