I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
