He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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