Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
