not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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