I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
