My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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