Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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