that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
