If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
