Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
