I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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