I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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