I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
