her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
