we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
