if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.