Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.