what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.