Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.