I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.