Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.