Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.