i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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