i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
