He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
