Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
