I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
