your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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