I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
