Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
